Ditching the FitBit, a step in the right direction
Note before reading : I am very conscious that many people struggle with weight or disordered eating patterns in different ways, meaning in their own personal circumstance technology such as that discussed can be highly beneficial. I recently listened to a discussion where watches and similar devices have even saved lives, so please note I write about this from my own viewpoint and look at why it may not be helpful in my recovery from anorexia. In your own situation you may find trackers useful for monitoring your own health and wellbeing.
January, or simply the start of a fresh new year, can be challenging for many. The Christmas buzz has died down, and the twinkly decorations which brightened gloomy long nights are packed away to be untangled the next year. A beneficial New Year’s resolution for my family would probably be remembering the benefit of neat packing, opposed to the shoving in a box method, to reduce the amount of detangling, effing and blinding which ensues the following Christmas when the boxes reappear. However, I digress in my usual rambling way.
The new year is tough. We are suddenly reminded of having helped ourselves to that last chocolate or extra slither of Christmas pudding as the weight watchers adverts pop up on our telly screens, followed by the reminders from gyms of their reduced membership costs which we most definitely need to “kick start our new year and rediscover our health which we shamefully lost touch with over our gluttonous Christmas”. A time for enjoying free time, sharing cultures and socialising becomes a time we can easily look back on with guilt. Despite the joyful songs promises, sometimes it can be far from the most wonderful time of the year!
Throughout my recovery journey (the bumpy, pot hole filled rocky ride it is) I have struggled greatly and still continue to face unrelenting, obsessive exercise rules and routines. Though I am in a far better place now then I have been, everyday is a conscious decision to not engage in exercise that I know will become compulsive and unenjoyable. Each day I have to question myself on movement, whether it is to seek enjoyment or to quieten the critical mind I have that says I’m lazy and haven’t moved enough.
This time of year, what my mum likes to call the “recovery blinkers” are needed in full force (for some reason, it seems metaphors are rife in recovery from eating disorders). I set my goal for the day, and put my blinkers on to anything else which is not conducive to achieving my goal. Far easier said than done! Due to my personal experience with them, an advert which I attempt to put the blinkers up to is tracking watches. My Fitbit ruled my life for too many years. Sadly, I know if I had applied less time to that piece of coloured plastic and more time taking care of my good health, I would be in a different place now. But, hindsight is a wonderful thing, and as aforementioned it is easier said than done to change habits.
In what was perhaps the lowest moment of my life, I was admitted to a general hospital in 2022 due to my physical condition and struggle in the battle against anorexia. I had been out of hospital for four months prior to that, and the realisation that things were once again not ok was crushing and hard to admit. Though I was the one with the Fitbit and 'steps' addiction, anorexia metaphorically was always a step ahead of me. In the morning before leaving (half heartedly to say the least) for hospital I did one of the strongest moves I could’ve done, and put the Fitbit down. For the first time in many years I didn’t have it attached to me, the charger in my pocket, the app recording everything to feedback to me in my awaited weekly report. It was terrifying. But, I also knew something more terrifying, facing recovery and the challenge of getting better mentally and physically. In this journey, there was no place for my Fitbit by my side. The steps I was convinced were in the right, controlled direction where anything but.
Whilst step tracking may be beneficial for some, it is not the most significant factor in good health. I was fixated on doing more and more daily to achieve unrelenting and unsustainable goals, neglecting what are some of the most important factors in wellbeing. In all honesty, I did not think I would be able to resist the temptation to attach myself to the Fitbit the minute I could. However, despite having all opportunity to, it has not made its resurgence in my day. I know where it is, I know the control I feel I will achieve from it, but I also know the aforementioned is a lie. I can holistically view my overall health and pay attention to my movement intuitively (well, that’s the goal) to feel good. I wish to reach a place where I can sit down happily and not think about exercise. I want to get coffee and cake with friends not paralysed in fears of calories I will have to track. I want a life of freedom away from this soul destroying illness, and that is not going to be supported through a Fitbit telling me to get moving!
This piece of writing has gone in different ways to what I originally planned, but I hope you can also see the purpose in your reviewing use of things such as step trackers and health apps. They have a purpose, which can be hugely beneficial to people’s lifestyles, however, we are all individual and it may not be beneficial to you. Despite what the adverts promise, the better you may not be reached through drinking green juice and joining a gym. The better you may be one who engages with their values and finds ways to holistically thank their body for all it does through maintaining good physical and mental health. This may be accepting you need to rest more, eat in a way beneficial to your health and appreciate your body for all it can do. Though my little purple Fitbit may say otherwise, ditching it has been the biggest step in the direction to protecting my wellbeing, and it is a conscious choice not to pick it up that I will be making in 2024.