Take a festive five
Probably one of the most repeated statements in winter alongside ‘I cannot believe how early it gets dark!’, but I really cannot believe it is already mid-December… For me, it has felt like I’ve blinked and suddenly it is Christmas in ten days. Whilst I do enjoy and look forward to Christmas, it can be an overwhelming time for different reasons. Individuals may face increased feelings of lonliness as they see others socialise, struggle with anxiety around gatherings, be missing loved ones or struggling financially. It can, sadly, be far from the lyrically promised ‘most wonderful time of the year’. I seem to have put a bit of a downer on the festivities, and I promise I do enjoy the lights and joy that is a part of celebrations, but struggles are faced and can make individuals feel isolated. In reality, the person next to you smiling and sharing a picture perfect Christmas may also be struggling with elements of the festive season. It is ok to not feel ok (cringes internally). I write this post in an attempt to remind people of the aforementioned point. It is ok if you do not feel as happy as Buddy in Elf regarding festivities. There will be many christmases to come if it falls apart. There will be many more family gatherings and celebrations in life, and it is ok to take respite from the events and parties, celebrations and meals that can feel too much. Great expectations may be felt to have the perfect christmas and new year, however, it is realistically 1 day out of 365.25.
When one struggles with an eating disorder, Christmas can be a difficult period. Celebrations one participates in can focus heavily on food, and it is for others an enjoyable and exciting component of festivities. This time of year can allow people to experience different cultures and traditions, sharing and bonding with others. Individuals who have a difficult relationship with food may experience feelings of isolation, and in my personal experience I feel increased frustration at myself in my inability to just ‘get better’ and do what seems so simple. Christmas can challenge routines, rituals and an eating disorder’s drive for control of numbers. Talk of calories, weight gain or guilt around food can also be a feature of christmas conversation, or follow celebrations as we welcome the new year and resolutions being made. Though I struggle to follow this advice myself making me highly hypocritical, spending time practicing self-compassion and resting is important to avoid christmas burnout. I have to remind myself in times where I’m listening to that bullying innner voice that my struggle is not a choice, it is a mental illness. I can make the choice to fight it daily, however, the struggle I face I did not choose to battle. As said before, it can seem an easy illness to recover from or confusing to outsiders as the simple answer may be to ‘just eat’. Recovery is not just picking up the cutlery and eating, recovery is overcoming a daily bombardment of overwhelming fear. This fear may be had in regards to different things, but can drive disordered behaviours which make the simple answer of ‘just eating’ so hard. If it was simply about food it would not be fatal, life-destroying and plague sufferers to such an extent. This struggle and critical inner voice can intensify over Christmas, as something that seems so easy can feel impossible to overcome and tiring.
In an attempt to depart some wisdom from quite possibly one of the most questionable people to offer advice, I have thought of some ways that over this period individuals who are struggling can ‘take a festive five’. They are fairly standard suggestions that are a bit stereotypical, but could be of use as reminders. Furthermore, I have added a visual reminder I designed that one could print to reinforce the idea from an external source that it is ok to take a break when needed.
Take a festive five - five suggestions to help those struggling at Christmas
Mindful distractions
Engage yourself in a hobby you know you enjoy. Don’t feel forced to do something you don’t actually like but feel is expected to do, personally I find this brings more stress and does not actually serve as a good distraction! Whilst some may find puzzles distracting an enjoyable, to another they may be tedious and frustrating… Do something that you find brings you some respite, remembering we are not required to be productive the whole time, and when needed the most productive thing can be resting.
Distraction ideas
Puzzle books, soduku, crosswords etc. I am also partial to the New York Times free games available via their app. This includes Wordle and other similar word games and can be a great quick distraction!
Colouring in (some pages are available under my BEAT fundraising section of the website!)
Baking or cooking, if you find it relaxing… I’m terrible and forget when I start baking something so for me it is a bit of a no go!
Watching your favourite movie snuggled on the sofa
Journalling or planning things to do in the future. Researching places you would like to visit on a bucket list and making Pinterest boards or itinery lists. Scrapbooking can also be fun and help motivation, as you can reflect on happy memories through photos, or exciting things you plan using magazines, papers etc as materials. I enjoy using ‘free prints’ to order photos when I have those that make me smile and use these to scrapbook with, or frame to use as decoration in my room!
Writing letters to friends or relatives. Making cards yourself to send and think of the happinessit could bring others. Phoning others or facetiming can be nice, and a way to connect and maintain relationships with others. This can be challenging and push confidence, but I often find once I’ve done it I feel much better and less like an animal in hibernation hidden beneath a blanket chatting to the dog.
Learning something new, for example phrases in a language you are interested in or using apps like Seterra to test your knowledge on different maps, countries etc.
If you have family coming round for christmas and you are into quizzes or games, make a ‘quiz of the year’ or play board games with others.
Organising clothes, getting rid of clutter to make your space a peaceful one to spend time in. List things on Vinted or Depop, then if you are like me spend all the money you make despite the fact you promised yourself you would save it…
Podcasts! When I feel too tired to do something and have a very busy brain I find listening to something can help. There are so many to choose from, whether it be listening to celebrity interviews or learning about a topic. The background noise helps me personally when I am spending time alone, as I find I can struggle more during these times of quiet.
If in the position to, spending time outside on a mindful walk or sitting on a bench watching the world go by could be a mindful activity. Individuals could take a sketchbook and do some rapid sketches in set time limits, capturing daily comings and goings that are of interest.
As said, things that serve useful distractions are different to everyone. Find what you enjoy and make a list like the above to refer to when needed. I have ideas noted on my phone, so when I feel a bit aimless and unsure of what to do I don’t have to think of them.
2. Pets
Another suggestion, dependent on personal circumstance and preference, is the wonderful company of animals. I may be biased as a huge animal lover, but I find them to have an amazing therepuetic benefit. Despite the fact they are quite possibly the cheekiest, most over-entitled dogs there could be, my days would not be the same without Jonty and Fig. With them, my stress is eased and I find a sense of purpose. Sometimes it feels impossible to get out of bed and face the day, but when I have a sausage dog threatening to poop on my rug unless I get up, I have to. I have little characters to look after who are relying on me for treats. When struggling and feeling low, Fig and Jonty return my love by sitting with me, keeping me company and help me feel less alone.
3. Surround yourself with positive influences and company
I am fortunate to have a small, understanding and supportive family who help me daily. I am grateful everyday for this, as am aware not everyone has access to this support making christmas a further challenging time of year. Where possible, surround yourself with those who help you through your battle. In times that may be paticularly stressful you could seek support from them, letting them know in advance what your stuggle may be during a paticular event. You could let a loved one know some helpful things you do to reduce moments of distress, such as certain distractions or skills, and if needed they could remind you of these. I personally struggle as can feel burdonsome doing the aforementioned as I am taking someone elses time. However, loved ones who care for you would prefer to know how to help you rather than watch you struggle. As mentioned in the distraction ideas, chatting to a friend on the phone can help. Though it may feel challenging to arrange this if one struggles socially, in the end I find it helps and in turn it could be helping your friend during the holidays!
4. Having a safe space to retreat to
Certain environments, such as the kitchen or dining room, can be overwhelming if hosting large family gatherings or events. It is important therefore to have a safe, quiet space where one can spend time should they need a break. In advance, you could plan where you will go and adapt this space to be calming and useful to take personal respite in.
5. Having a plan
Though christmas can be a great time to relax, take a break and be more spontaneous in plans, you should not feel compelled or forced to give up all routine if it is conducive to good mental wellbeing and physical health. It is better to follow a routine this christmas, even if it feels the wrong thing to do, then compromise your health. Sometimes, if you do not have a rough plan, you may feel an increased need to cling onto control in other ways. For me, I know I will need a rough plan of my week or my eating disordered mindset will convince me everything is a mess and I have to control situations through numbers. This christmas, I know the best thing for my health is to have a plan. Though frustrating, as I wish so deeply to be able to tell myself I’ll let go and find freedom in my actions, I know this is needed in order to be well enough to enjoy family time and the future christmasses to come. As I’m currently telling myself whilst resting on the sofa, I am sat down today to be able to stand up tomorrow!
Depending on your stage, physical needs and mindset in recovery, plans will vary. Some individuals may wish to roughly plan what is happening during the week in terms of events. This can help reduce anxiety around socialising, as one knows what to expect. As said (quite a lot now, sorry) a ‘rough’ plan allows room for some flexibility. We cannot expect everything to run by the minute and some plans may go awry! Whilst some may feel capable to celebrate and nourish themselves adequately without a meal plan, for some a meal plan may be needed. Again, though this is frustrating at times due to the decreased freedom around events, a meal plan can help those in recovery stay on track and ensure the eating disordered mindset is not using the oppurtunity to restrict. This can again be a rough plan, and if feeling capable you may wish to join in with others. The meal plan you have is a baseline of needs to be met, not the limit!
To summarise, though we may feel compelled to be social, entertaining butterflies at christmas, it is more than ok to need a break. It is likely to be more beneficial to take a temporary break than avoid a complete christmas burnout, and I hope that these ‘festive five’ ways to take a break have been of some small help… Christmas is one day of the year, and there will be plenty more christmasses to come if you look after yourself this christmas. Do not put pressure on yourself to have the ‘perfect’ time. Accept things may not go to plan. Be compassionate to yourself, your needs, and in turn you can help others by being in a good place yourself. It is not selfish to look after your wellbeing this time of year. Everyone may be struggling for their own reason, so never feel alone or guilty for it not always being as wonderful as Christmas movies can make it seem!
